Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
