You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
