Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
