the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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