If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
