last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
