Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
