My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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