My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
