I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
