Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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