I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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