If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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