Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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