Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
