remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
