Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
