I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
