Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the day after is always just damage control
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
