According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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