Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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