Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
