I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
