Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
