I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
