If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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