I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
