My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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