Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
