so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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