whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
