I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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