Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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