I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
