Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
