South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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