Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
