apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
