I want to have your abortion
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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