We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
