He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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