I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
