Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
