they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
