my mouth tastes like poor choices
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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