Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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