I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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