If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
