Dual....:-)
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
