I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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