Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
