Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
