Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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