Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
