Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
