Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
