hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
