Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
