You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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