she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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