maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
