i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
