Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
