I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
