my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
