It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
