Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
