Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
