I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
