great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize