I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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