He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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