So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
