I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
