Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was born a porn star she said
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
