Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
