I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
