And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
