She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
