Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
