i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
there is glitter all over my balls
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
