My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
