My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
