she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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