you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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