My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize