My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
