Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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