I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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