Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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