You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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