sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
